in between the worlds of death and sickness and sadness, hope and hopelessness, childhood memories and guilt-feelings, old and new ones,
i just want to run away, turn my back to this, leave my mother alone with my sister and brother passing by and calling and ...
i understand her, i dont know if she understands me, i guess not, cause she doesnt know how i m feeling here, how she is affecting me, and i cannot explain it now, because she is in her greef and fear and hope and hopelessness, and listening was never her best subject*
monday funeral, next week france* to breathe and meet friends, feel somewhere that i am exsiting, and that i can take space easily, breathe easily*