zu Hause-Gefühl: Trauer 

am einfachsten abrufbar-Gefühl: Wut, Ärger 

Am liebsten -Gefühl: Freude  

Wie schmeckt der Moment? ;)

 I m so torn between me and you. Between being who I am, living my weird lost life alone, avoiding pain as much as possible, and being with you, in pain all the time about your misery, about having lost you, as my "healthy, able" sister. 

I want to stick these sissors into my heart, just to feel something, or just to end this stupid life, to end this misery, my misery, I cant help you with yours, I cant take away your misery, I cant take away your pain. 

Or maybe I can. I hope for little moments, even just minutes.. seconds. 

Miss you so much. 

Dont wanna live without you. I dont care about anyone as much as I always did for you, and I still do. And I hate you for it. I hate me for it. I hate life and everything and everyone for it. I hate pain. I dont want it. I hate it and I hate that I hate it. 

I hate me and my stupid, useless feelings, ..

I m calm though, cause I dont feel much anymore, I learned that I can live and cope on my own. I dont need people, and I dont trust people. I dont even care about them anymore. 

I dont even care about anything anymore, but if I go on like this.. I guess nothing good will come out of it. -

Rather me going into a mental hospital.. cause I m blocking my growth with flying colours..

People. So exhausting. Unreliable, stupid, selfish, moody.. annoying creatures. 

Sad that I m human, and .. have to deal with being all that, and having all that around me.

 Somebody said, say nothing, be nothing, be silent, but you werent, you were loud like a bird at sunrise. And your voice and your song was beautiful, it even made the sun blush and stop for a moment from rising, just to get a better look at you. 

You are beautiful, like the stars in the sky and the blue hour at dawn.. You are beautiful like a smile from a stranger. 

You are. 

And I am too.