Schreiben muss ich doch. Operation dont die today is in full swing. I m a person. I can be there for me. I have to be there for me. Thats ok, usually. Its just difficult right now, cause I dont want to be alone. I want someone to look at, talk to, and listen to ! I want someone to hold, and be held. To feel excited and happy to be with.. 

I want it so much, that being without that feels like dying. 

Feels like going crazy. I m tired of crying, of being scared to lose my mind, of feeling useless and desperate. 

I dont care. And I do care for who? me? You? Noone. I m full of hate and rage, bleeding and confused. 

Alone .. So alone. 

And its not healthy anymore. 

I need a time out. I need to take care of myself. 

How, When, .. I ve gotta figure that out. Cause what is happening to me right now is seriously scary. 

See you later * Me. :)