not being able to sleep.. starring at the screen, one senseless movie after another.. to numb the pain.. 

the light falling on my skin feels comforting like the caress of a tender lover being with me .. 

who is with me in these times.. ? 

Friends, family.. music, trees, the wind, the air, water, ground .. I lose the ground under my feet sometimes

dreaming myself away, the only thing that helps to forget what happened.. 

music to soothe my soul, go on.. whispering.. go on, kaydee, just go on, one step at a time, bask in the sunlight.. dance in the rain, be with someone who makes you laugh and smile, and feel good. 

All you can do is refill your cup over and over again.. 

I dont understand why this had to happen, why this happened.. 

there is nothing to understand I know.. but i d love to.. 

Like the universe picked the one thing that is the worst.. 

It would be worse to lie there myself.. I guess, but my sister..? Not being able to move and talk.. 

What the hell..