If I had wings I could fly.. 

I dont, I walk through the streets of my real home-town. My home. I walk, I am, I dont know if I am. I walk around, calm little feelings, no passion, so calm, am I still myself? Maybe I changed. I did. I changed a lot. I m ok. I enjoy. I live. I care. I m there. I try to understand. After my surgery this year, I m different. I feel different. I guess getting another chance on life, changes people. I m grateful. I m slow, I m tender. I m scared. A lot of fear of missing out. A lot of fear of being a failure. But also this big, huge carelessness. I m ok. I m enough. I am who I am. And if I am a failure, so be it. I m looking forward, to being here again, in my flat, in my town. With maybe a stupid job, and stupid colleagues, and noisy streets, bad air, stupid humans everywhere, but my town, my queer town, my artsy town, my diy town, my lefty town, my diverse town, my -so much is happening and possible- town, .. etc. 

For now, I ll have to wait, and see. A year in a flat, expensive, but maybe if I feel like it, I can take another person in. If not, I ll just pay a lot of rent for a while. So what.. But I m glad, to be on my own, in peace, try to create the space a bit. I m super tired of moving around. Its been so much, this year.. the last couple years.. me, tired ! 

Sometimes I m not sure I know how to live anymore. How is it done. What do we do. and Why. Just dont overthink it. Live it. Enjoy it. Try to feel it. Care for each other. And for yourself. Ok. Will do.  And you, too.