How to cope.. ? 

I wonder if I will ever be able to cope with it.. The fact that my sister is in a full on locked in syndrom for over a year now.. 

I start feeling physical problems myself, I know thats cause I m connected to her, and I do my healing work, my meditation, reloading myself, filling my cup.. still right now my energy lies on the ground and can not even get scratched off the ground. 

Ya, I mean its a lot. Its my sister, its friends and crushes who are in pain, its a virus creeping around, its winter.. 

For me personally its also hard to not be at home, in my space, my city, ...and of course lonelyness, social distancing .. it is not the healthiest thing ever for me.. I mean I feel really weird crazyness climbing up my shoulders and looking at me... it looks kinda funny actually, but it doesnt make me feel good. Its not smiling, or laughing.. or saying anything. 

It doesnt have to.. I know exactly what it wants. Hugs. Cuddling. Lying down next to someone I like, just to feel their body/ warmth/ breathe.. their love and care for me..

Connecting physically is very important for my mental health.. so she s not happy. 

Sitting there on my shoulder looking at me.. like not even starring .. just looking at me, like .. 

"Yeah, you know whats wrong, why arent you doing anything about it.. do I really have to crawl all the way up here to remind you that this isnt gonna end well.. ?

Ya, I m sorry, what can I do about this social distancing shit.. I dont wanna get the virus/spread the virus either.. 

Ya, she dont care about the virus, .. I do.. but I also know this is the hardest shittiest time in my whole life .. and I would really need someone to hold me when I m crying.. (or when I m not crying..) when I dont know how to cope..